murmur

I've started this post over and over with this long story about what happened, but here's the abbreviated version.  We made a decision in the best interest of our son, but it wasn't the decision that some people wanted and so they're angry with us. 

And so it goes. 

If you look at things on the surface here, they seem fine.  Improved.  Max appears to be doing better at school, but it feels to me like there's an undercurrent of...something. 

The problems at home continue.  We did what was suggested at our last meeting.  There's a chart for Max so that he can gauge how angry he is getting and then he and I came up with three options for him to calm himself rather than acting out. 

It's not really working. 

In the moment, he can't think ahead enough to get this far with it.  And the things he's reacting to just leave me puzzled.  Really?  This?  This is what you're screaming about?

I think the improvement at school is costing us at home and he's become more rigid than he's been in years.  He's almost tunnel-visioned sometimes in how he wants something to happen, and he explodes in frustration if it deviates from the expectation.  Paul and I can obviously work with this for the most part, but Julia doesn't understand why she should be required to play a certain way.  In the end, there's screaming and crying and stomping and door slamming and a general unease. 

I'm hoping that the break, which we've decided to spend just the four of us, quietly and low-key, with no real plans other than a few local events and time at the park and reading and playing will serve as a collective deep breath. 

Paul makes fun of the music that I like, calling it "jangly guitar" music.  True or not, I have liked REM since high school, and I bristled at the jokes made when they announced their split.  I wasn't surprised by the news; I disliked people panning the recent works that thay had not heard.  Accelerate is a good album.  Collapse Into Now is a great one. 

That's what I was listening to when I realized what I want Max to really understand right now.  This is a difficult time, but it isn't the sum of who he is or who he will be or what he will do with his life.  We all just have to keep going.  Deep breath.  We'll get to the next day.

Excuse the video quality.  I hate the official video for the song and the instrumentals here are even lovelier than those on the album.

 

 

I cannot tell a lie

It's not all cherry pie

But it's all there waiting for you.

Comments

[kris (lower case)]

if people don't understand or agree with your decisions...too bad. you know your son best and sometimes that is what you have to go with. good luck and i hope everything works out..

[Morganna]

What kris said. :) I don't know how you are helping Max when he gets upset, but I know that when my son (very like Max) gets very upset, he does best if I step in and send him to his room -- make the choice for him in the heat of the moment. I tell him he's not in trouble, and he can come back when he's calm. Over time, he has learned when he needs to send himself away -- but he still forgets when very upset.

[Jill]

I'm trying to convince myself that the problems The Kid is having now do not define the person he is or the person he will be. It's hard for me to believe, so I can understand it is hard for them.

[Jen]

Hugs. I wish there was some advice I could give you -- advice that would actually work, I mean. We have so many of the same issues that all I can offer is massive, massive sympathy. And reassurance that you are such an awesome mom.

[Ruth]

My father had a favorite saying, "The past is over and gone; the future is open". You and your boy will get through. Hang in there.